Casse-moi

If the ship on the horizon disappears from sight, it does not mean the world ends but rather that the river bends

It doesn’t get better

Don’t fool yourselves. It doesn’t get any better or any easier. Eating becomes a habit; 1, 2, 3 meals a day and everyone is happy and is none the wiser. Habits, however, aren’t easily broken. So you eat three times a day, cool. You’re normal. A snack, why not? It eliminates hypocrisy. But wait. You go to your room, dress in something considered normal to match your exceptionally normal eating habits and the panic sets in. 

No one. Not one person that hasn’t been faced with an eating or weight related issue understands this feeling. Gravity falls as your eyes zero in on your problem area - everyone is different. Mine is my legs. With the upper body proportions of Allisandra Ambrosio the matching legs are nothing short of disgusting and disgraceful. Yet there they are - looking at them is torture but feeling them…feeling your thighs touch together even slightly is like a punch to the stomach, it keeps me awake until I just cry. And then you feel like an idiot for crying so you exercise like a mad woman and pick up your eating habits only to continue the cycle again. 

It feels like there isn’t enough room in the world for a person like me (figuratively, no one is that distorted). Petite, Australia size 6-8 that feels enormous amongst a group of 10-12s. As an intelligent, logical creature I cannot understand how that is actually possible, so how can someone who doesn’t feel it understand? The best way I can describe it is as being a weight in your head so present it feels real and all the while directing your thoughts and disfiguring how you see yourself and the world. I don’t know how to overcome it and as much as I want to, I don’t know who I’d be without it.

In 15 days I’ll be done with nothing to for four months except go to the beach, be with my friends, work if I want to and get fit. As soon as schoolies is over and the drinking celebrations of finishing school ends, I’m going on an 8 week food and fitness regime to get the body I want in a healthy way. I’m so excited to start :)